Throughout my life, writing has been a method for me, therapy to sort through my garbage--to take it out, look at it and determine if there is anything in the rubble worth keeping and cleaning. My writing in this context always addressed my problems. Journaling, writing exercises, creative exploration, word art, dream boards--all systems to reach the core me.
In the last couple of weeks, I've been pummeled with a personal crisis. It feels as though there is no time to journal and when the time is available, I want to sleep instead of dig in my trash. Much of this trash isn't even mine, but shoveling through it will still uproot painful things about myself, things I've been unwilling to address. Up until now, any spare moment in my life, after caring for my family, has been expended finishing my current work; my book, which has healed an entirely different portion of my life from a distant time and place.
Attempting to write about pain in the now, or even write through it and despite it, has forced me to evaluate the parallels of myself--my mind, my methods, my life. I'm not trying to bury the current circumstances. I'm not stuffing the pain into a box or down my throat in the form of Krispy Kremes. I am sitting in the pain with all of my being, letting the bile rise, my hands shake and my mind crack just a bit.
But what I've begun to realize is that when faced with a personal crisis, most people can simply rise in the morning and lose themselves in their work or a project. Not a writer. A writer cannot lose himself when he works. A writer finds himself in his work.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
R, I am not a writer, however it seems all I do is write, including my grocery and to-do lists. Writing is another tool I use for communicating with my students. I have never written so many labs in my life for one class. My labs must be clear and have a purpose. If I have not written well, the lab fails and students are frustrated. Several times this semester, labs have not gone well because I am creating them from nothing. Unexpected reactions take place or the chemicals do not work. There is not a curriulum. My students are testing out my first draft. When I have finished creating this new class, I will have My Book. Unlike a published book, I will edit and revise yearly depending upon my reading audience. Each year will be a new edition with the hope of creating a flawless curriculum that is engaging, enlightening and thought provoking. However, after 18 years of teaching biology, I have yet to achieve my perfect Biology Book. :)
ReplyDelete